Healthy Body, Healthy Mind.

Given my recent agonising sore back, I've eventually admitted to myself that I've let myself go to seed. If I'd been fitter I'd not have torn my back to shreds, as I'd have had the core strength to deal with the sudden falling weight.

 SO......this morning... I started a healthy eating plan at work, no fried food, no rounds of toast, no croissants or sour dough pretzels at breakfast, cereal and fruit or porridge instead. Lunch will be salad, fish or a bowl of soup and a piece of fruit and dinner shall be vegetable based, no red meat, potato in any form or pasta for three weeks. I also done a 20 minute very easy 6mph jog and ten minutes of lower back stretches and a little arm weights after work this evening in the hotels small gym, It's not much, but it's a start....

In Transit

So i find myself on yet another flight, to yet another destination for work, I don't mind flying it's a nice way to travel, unlike driving which I loath. I am also unfazed by the queues at security, I understand why they are a necessary evil, due largely to America and Great Britain's foreign policy, however that's a can of worms I'm not opening. What I do mind is the soulless and depressing air that all departure lounges have, where's the happy atmosphere? We can't all be flying for work. What about holidays, trips home, weekend breaks with lovers, where is the joy? Are we so jaded now nothing excites us? By the look on most folks faces you'd think someone had shat in their cornflakes. Try a little happiness people, it's free.

04/04/2012 The Big Day Approaches..

So tomorrows the big day, AB and I are off to Newcastle for a couple of days, so in an attempt to woo, I'm having a metrosexual days shopping for new clothes hoping to Dress To Impress. First stop Boots, I'm out of Clinique Shaving foam so need to stock up, after that it's just an endless trawl through the high street chains hoping to find something that fits me, but also looks good. AB has a style of her own and always manages to look good without any effort, me...it takes effort.

First thing I notice is that size ** jeans are all being made a little tighter these days....WTF is wrong with clothing manufacturers? Obviously I can't have put weight on by constantly eating out and not working out, so it's the clothes fault. I buy a few pairs of trousers in a slightly bigger size and move on to shirts and T-Shirts, those feckers are in league with the smaller jeans conspiracy and have apparently shrunk their wares too. I buy a couple of shirts, sweatshirts and T-Shirts and think, I perhaps need to go back to the gym...

Shoes..Hurrah, my feet have not grown any bigger and the shoe folk have not caved under pressure from the tailored community and have kept their wares normal. I opt for two styles of boot that compliment my trousers and am pretty much done, a belt, a jacket and some aftershave and I'm good to go..I'll look good, I'm in reasonable shape (except for the sore back which is still agony, more on that next post) and I'm roughly aware of a plan for our two days...

So that's it, I'm all set, AB and I chat on messenger and I arrange to pick her up at nine tomorrow morning, I'm nervous as hell, but super excited at the same time, I get a chance to shine and cannot wait......

02/04/2012 My Back's Breaking

In my rush to get finished and off the ship early on Friday I dragged a huge box marked Heavy 2 Man Lift from a shelf in the container to make room for tools, it subsequently dropped like a stone and I tried to hold it. I felt a pop in the bottom of my back and thought "That can't be good," however I took no notice and get on with my day. It felt slightly tight on Saturday when I got up, and worse as the day went on. I took a few Ibuprofen and some Paracetamol to see me through the day, and a couple more that night. Sunday morning at AB's when I woke up it was far worse, I struggled severely to get up and about, something is badly wrong here and it's getting worse.

Now here's the kicker, this morning it took me an hour to get out of bed and on my feet, and I do mean an hour, I can't stand up, to move my back in any direction is agony, I've never felt pain like it, I get so far and then the pain is so intense I have to give up. I think I could just get up on my feet and straighten my back quickly and I'll be OK. I try this tactic and find there is no way I can actually do it, it's just physically impossible. I'm in agony, the pain is so bad I'm actually thinking about calling reception and getting an ambulance to take me to hospital. Eventually my painkillers kick in and I manage to get from my back to my knees, then upright and mobile. I struggled about for an hour, called my Doctor and drove to see him, boy that was a fun drive..

The end result is I've torn a muscle in my back, I have Tramadol 100mg tablets for my pain, 2 a day for thirty days, I've taken 4 so far today just to function, they make me feel queasy and very lightheaded but they do dampen the pain.......2 days to Newcastle, this had better heal sharpish. I refuse to allow this to spoil my plans.


I do however resolve to never call anyone saying they have a bad back a lazy sod, I've always thought folk complaining about bad backs were malingerers, how bad can it be? I can now tell you, it's the worst pain I've ever had.





Agony be my name.

31/03/2012 Dinner Date.

My day started great today, Tommy and myself are catching the flight home from Heathrow   at 12.15 so we arrive 2 hours early and get upgraded to Business Class so are entitled to go sit in the First class lounge, Tommy takes full advantage of the free bar and proceeds to get rather tipsy, I'm driving later so sip away at a Merlot, have a croissant and look at the beautiful people. One of the beautiful people is an Australian man, with a gorgeous little boy who sits beaming a big toothless smile at me, I'm smiling back at him and he's giggling away. Dad tells me it's been a big week for the wee fella, he's learned to crawl and he also now waves..Dad is beaming with pride, and on cue the wee man waves at me both dad and I look at each other and share a smile, he's a cracking little fella, I wish them both a safe journey and leave for home.

The flight's quite eventful as T has had a few drinks by now, topping up from the night before, and is now quite drunk, he proceeds to try and chat up the flight attendant for an hour or so and she is actually enjoying his chat, he gets her number and is meeting her that night for drinks, he's a charmer our Tommy.

I'm driving down to AB's as we're going out to dinner and I'm really looking forward to seeing her, it's been a month of texts, e-mails and very brief phone calls so it's great to get a chance to talk normally.
And boy can we talk, she's so easy to chat away with, we talk about work, family, friends and anything else that enters our heads and  dinner flies bye. We go to the Inverkip Marina for food, the name of the place escapes me at the moment but the food was really nice. AB looks amazing and I can't keep my eyes off her, I tell her this and for once she does not comment flippantly, she accepts the compliment and I'm feeling great, this is going well tonight, we're great in each others company and AB is actually relaxing, it's not so hard this dating an Ice Queen, I could get used to this. The only slight dampener to the evening is the fact my backs in bits at this point but the painkillers are helping and so is the wine. Dinner ends and we move to the bar for a drink ,we chat for Scotland and are the last ones out of the restaurant, we head back to AB's for a kiss and cuddle and it rounds off a brilliant day.

Carlsberg don't do Saturdays but if they did this has been one of them.

23/03/2012....

AB and I have been having a textual relationship, What's App and text messages are keeping us in contact and we seem to be doing OK. It's strange to chat away by message, but we both seem a little settled and are getting on great....So great in fact, we've decided to go away for a few days when I'm off on holiday to see how we get on. HOW AWESOME IS THAT!  I'm officially the worlds happiest man..

I an such a knob!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,,,,,,

I am such a total knob at times, I'll go into more detail later, but right now I could actually beat my head against a brick wall for being such an utter, utter,  utter idiot.

I can't even look at myself in a mirror today, I'm actually full of self loathing, I'm a total prick, I pushed to far and just made a complete idiot of myself, I tried to be funny and just failed, I'm such a fvcking loser.

Original but not always best....

Whilst making up a new play list for my I-Pod, I decided to make a cover version play list, these are 5 of my favourites, I've included the originals for comparison.......Enjoy.

In Reverse order (although this would change daily dependant on mood) with the original artist first... in at number 5

Eurythmics..Sweet Dreams

Marilyn Manson

4; Dolly Parton... Jolene.

The White Stripes..

3: Huddie Ledbetter (leadbelly)... Where Did You Sleep Last Night?

Nirvana (The emotion in Kurt's voice at the end of this song is a thing of beauty, what a tragic waste.

2: Nine Inch Nails.. Hurt

Johnny Cash. This was recorded not long before Johnny passed away, Trent Reznor who wrote the original has been quoted as saying he no longer feels this song is his own, Mr Cash has stolen it..I agree.

And drum roll please..

Numero uno..

Wayne Cochran...Last Kiss.

Pearl Jam..

Right now this is my favourite ever cover version, I've been fortunate enough to see Pearl Jam several times, and EV just kills this song..I've included a live version of this one too, just so you can hear the utter Brilliance that is Mr Eddie Vedder..

Live music at it's very best..

There are loads of other songs I could have put up, these reflect my taste in music now, my mood changes often, that's what music is, it's a journey, it's feelings and emotions, but mostly it's just Rock and Roll baby x

Guilty Pleasures

So I'm sitting in the West End Starbucks on Byres Rd.. cheating on my coffee life partner Costa.  I feel guilt for this as in the early 2000's I decided to be monogamous to my Italian mistress as she was hot, dark and tasted better than any American fly by night trendy contemporary. Things went well for years, I avoided the giant corporate bosom of Ms Starbucks for the quaint classier smaller cups of Miss Costa, no wrapping her wares up in crimson at Christmas to tease and tantalise customers like a 40's movie harlot, no sirree, Miss Costa was always an understated but confident mistress secure in the knowledge that class always shines. We had a solid relationship for years, Massimo skinny Latte, Tuna Melt and occasionally a muffin or a bag of crisps, perfect, what more does a man need?

 Then it happened..........London July 2010......Out with friends to catch a matinee at the Old Vic and afterwards walking back to Waterloo we pass a Starbucks, "Shall we have a coffee?" someone suggests, I protest "Costa is far better, lets go there,"  I'm of course shot down, it's ages away and besides it's raining now are the replies, so sullen, in I trot. It's only one coffee what's the harm?  An order of a Massimo skinny latte is met with derision. "Do you mean a Venti skinny latte sir?" Whatever, just pour my beverage you green aproned buffoon I think.."anything else?" I look around and there it is...A croque monsieur..a hot ham and cheese (usually Gruyere or Emmental) with a little mustard grilled Sandwich, French in origin as a fast food snack, but even allowing for it's Frenchness it was stunning.. such a simple thing but flavour.... well, I was hooked, I've been to France but somehow missed this treat and now wow, like I said..the bait has been swallowed. .. Miss Costa does not supply such wares, it's the hold ups and heels of sarnies, and every now and again I just need some of that pleasure..

 So here I sit, at the back of the shop,  guiltily lapping up my hot cheese and ham, licking the mustard off of my fingers, and feeling slightly guilty at my indiscretion....I'll always love Miss Costa, but Ms Starbucks shall remain a guilty pleasure...

Freedom....

Life is full of twists and turns, we make some great decisions and life is sweet, and we make some bad decisions and life is hellish. Money makes the world go round, and when we are suffering financially then it takes it's toll. We perhaps don't like others to know the extent of our misery, because (well in my case anyway) it's easier to put on a brave face and just suffer in silence. Well folks the biggest disaster I've ever shackled myself to is eventually gone, the monkey has fallen from my back, the elephant has left the room....fvck it...ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

One Day

Below is a chapter from David Nicholls best seller One day, a love story set over twenty years

She thinks very distinctly of two things.
The first is a photograph of herself at nine years old in a red swimsuit on a beach, she can't remember where, Fiely or Scarborough perhaps. She is with her mother and father who are swinging her towards the camera, their sunburnt faces buckled with laughter. Then she thinks of Dexter, sheltering from the rain on the steps of the new house, looking at his watch, impatient; he'll wonder where I am, she thinks. He'll worry.

I finished this chapter which has one more line, and then I cried floods of tears, immense sadness engulfed me and just swept me away. A great book will do that to me, I get lost in the narrative and lose myself into the moment, this book has that power, it's very well written and the prose flows.
 What makes it so special? The first thing you notice is the unusual structure. It starts on July 15 (St Swithin’s Day) in 1988 with the first encounter between two students, Dexter and Emma, in Edinburgh, then revisits these two characters, either separately or together, on the same date for the next 20 years (hence the title).

It could be schmaltzy (Sp?), but in fact it proves to be a superbly effective device, providing you with a series of vivid snapshots of a at times stormy relationship. At the end of each chapter you're left wondering what will happen next, then suddenly a year has gone by and the situation has changed in ways that are often surprising but always entirely believable.
I guess a lot depends on how you feel about the two main characters. Dexter is charming and good-looking, but also lazy, arrogant, selfish and deceitful. Emma is more lovable – cleverer and more honest than Dexter, but prone to stroppiness and self-doubt .I'd guess women with high standards might wonder what Emma sees in him?  
Not exactly a perfect match then, but really who can say that actually exists? Often these days we, through the media, are looking for the perfect man or woman. We are provided with this ideal of what love and romance should be, it cares not for the practicalities of actually fitting two lives into one space and co-existing with a partner you ideally should grow to love. Love at first sight and butterflies in the stomach are all very well if your names Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Darcy is down Ashton Lane of an evening, however that ideal is a little to unrealistic methinks..This book hits the spot as it deals with the modern world and all it's distractions and it's stresses, if you've not read this book, go buy it now, read it and pass it on to a friend.

It wont change your life, but it will make you live in wonder for a while.

Things that boil my pi$$. 1.

St Patrick's day. OK if you're Irish then fair enough enjoy your day, it's a national holiday so eat drink and be merry, if you're not WTF! Why do non Irish people choose to get drunk and celebrate another country's patron saints day? Oh to be OIrish as feck for a day, beejesus!  Find me a pub in Scotland, England or Wales that has a massive celebration on St Andrews, St Georges or St Davids day and I'll eat my hat, you'd be hard pressed to find a hand full of people who know the actual dates of any of the above Saints days, but everyone will know March 17th is St Paddies day.
 Every time I see a drunk Brit with a pint of Guinness in hand, a Guinness hat perched on top of their drunken head, dancing a jig  to Irish music in a Scottish/English or Welsh bar I want to vomit, it's St Guinness Day, one of the best advertising campaigns ever devised and mugs fall for it...

A Scotsman celebrating St Paddies day.

give me strength...

Oh and St Andrews day is 30th of November, St Georges day is April 23rd, and St Davids day is March the 1st.

Frazzled

Day three on the new job, and what a horrible job it is.

 I'm working on a passenger ferry that is travelling from Dover in the UK to Dunkerque in France continually. I leave for work at 08/45 and board the ferry for 09/30 then cross to France and back twice in 12 hours, this means I usually return to my hotel at around ten in the evening. Because of the start time I miss breakfast as the staff have closed down the galley by the time we arrive, Lunch is at 12/45 which I usually eat as I'm starving and then dinner is at 18/45 after a heavy lunch I'm not ready for it so I usually just pass. For the last three days I've eaten one meal a day and a pot noodle at eleven pm...it's a weight loss plan made in heaven, not at all good for fighting a cold though!

 I've worked on ships for years and do not suffer from sea sickness. However the effect of sailing for two hours with a stop of an hour in between each crossing to allow cars, buses and trucks to embark and disembark is causing me discomfort. I'm not sure if the fact I'm suffering from a bad cough, runny nose, sore throat, a sore ear and even more bizarrely a sore eye is adding to my plight!  I'm frazzled, I don't feel 100% and I'm getting a little precious with the people around me, I'm not usually a moaning Minnie but folks, if you can, just allow me to be for a bit...It's been a busy year so far and I've had a grand total of two days off since the third of January, the rest 12 hour days non stop, I'm burning out quickly and I'm aware of the fact, I'll do nothing about it mind, but I do like a whinge now and again..It's cathartic x

The Date

It's on like Donkey Kong!

It's a date, I have a proper date with AB, after all the false starts, the silly misunderstandings, the senseless bickering the over analysing, the fretting about nothing and the endless talking we have a date...Wow it's A game time, time to impress, to woo, to shine, to not apparently compliment, show affection in public or act in anyway keen...Yes it's AB, dates have rules!

So I book a (twin ) hotel room, it's £60 a taxi from town to AB's and I'm in the city staying anyway so it makes sense for us to just stay. This it seems is fine, so AB arrives from work, I've bought her a little gift and it seems to go down well so not a bad start. I go fetch some wine whilst she changes and showers to give her some privacy, when I come back she's dressed and looks breathtaking, she's a vision and I'm choking back compliments, she gets uneasy with compliments so I try not to give her reason to be, but trust me on this, it's not easy, this woman is beautiful and she lights up the room by just being in it, she has eyes you could swim in and I melt looking at her.  We share some wine and head out, I want to show her a little of what I like so we head to one of my favourite restaurants.. we're too late for food, they offer us deserts or wine, kitchens closed...sh*t, this was my ace in the hole, AB would have loved this place...slight panic, but plan B...Yep plan B is a bust too, so it's plan C...Mercado in Merchant Square..

We get a table with a half hour wait, chat, have a drink and get on with our night. We have fun, sitting chatting and the wait flies bye. We get our table, order food, drinks and have a good night. Every thing's great and the night is going well, AB relaxes, opens up and has fun. We finish the meal, sit for drinks and chat, it's a good night, relaxing and not at all awquard, time flys and it gets late so we move on to a club. A couple of more drinks and we are all good, it's a good night..a success, a triumph... tired and happy we head hack to the hotel. We hold hands, kiss and laugh over the whole evening and it feels good. We go to sleep, have a cuddle and I'm thinking 'this is working out well,' so I retire happy.

 I'm off to work for a month next day and I know I'll miss her, I'm not supposed to tell her this as she's not sure how she feels, so I just say I'll keep in touch, she says not to, I kind of know she's joking but I'm still a little put out by this, it's the kind of know she's joking thing... because I kind of know she's not too. I don't know this girls past, but someone must have really hurt her once and right now I'm paying that piper. She lets go for a while, relaxes and allows herself to be loved, then she closes down and retreats into herself, I'm trying to figure out how to get more of the former from her as every now and again she lets slip she's thawing a little, am I mental for pursuing her, yeah probably..but is she worth the chase, definitely.. She says she wishes she could be like me and wear her heart on her sleeve, I say just give it a try, she'll never know if she stays on the fence..I'm not a bad bloke, she could do worse than give me a chance.

First Class..My Ar*e....Virgin on the ridiculous

The following is cut and pasted from Virgin Trains first class train service page...

First Class travel

Travel First Class with us and experience the difference. We offer a special space, somewhere for you to stretch out and unwind, work, sleep or just watch the world pass by while we take you where you want to go.
From Monday to Friday our team offer at table service, so you'll be able to sit back and relax whilst tucking into complimentary mouthwatering delights from our First Class menu.

The menu can be found here..

Click

Monday to Friday only.......I'm travelling on a Sunday, my ticket has cost more as it's a weekend and guess what..no food or complimentary booze! WTF? It's a seven hour journey and I boarded at 1-26 pm. Shortly after we set out there was an announcement that there would be no staff to man the services in First Class until Carlyle...I paid for a First Class journey, you took my money for that, not three fifths of one..So Carlyle comes and goes, no service....we hit Lancaster at 3-47 before I was offered my complimentary service...a bag of Tyrells ready salted crisps, a small packet of shortbread and a paper cup half filled with weak lukewarm coffee. I'm not moaning for moanin'sg sake here but honestly Virgin, does this seem First Class to you?

Why the massive difference when the ticket price is higher, however the service is minimal? What justification are Virgin offering for the reduction in standards for a higher paying customer at the weekend? I've to get by on a coffee or two and a biscuit and crisps for 7+ hours....no wait, there's a shop in standard that I can walk 6 carriages to get to where I can purchase a sandwich or a salad for an additional fee...Dick Turpin wore a mask..overall a rather shoddy third class service if you ask me, and not worth the pretty penny it's costing.

I'm going to e-mail Virgin's  customer services department tonight and complain..I'll post their reply if and when I get one.

Bah Humbug..

Family

Where do I start on family?  I have a family, most people do, my relationship with mine is however perhaps a little different from most. I have two brothers, one is a waste of space, he's a user and a hopeless drunk. He fathered a child and then became a world class illusionist for 14 years, as he just disappeared out of his sons life like a puff of smoke..gone. This boils my piss so much I can't abide to be in a room with him, to hear him talk the world owes him a living, nothings ever his fault, he's a constant victim of injustice, the worlds best father and a loving son who's misunderstood, nope you're a total pisshead who only cares about drink and to hell with everyone else..as I type this he's back in hospital as he went on a drinking binge Friday (he's not allowed to drink as he has no stomach lining left) and has jaundice and sky high blood pressure now. I know I'll get a call one day soon informing me of his death, I've worked with two guys who drank themselves to death, I've seen this before and know the signs, I feel detached from the situation and that is I think all I need to say on bro one.

Bro two, family man, loves his son, works hard and is the most stubborn man on the planet. He and I had a falling out over a silly argument and never spoke for 9 years, we started talking around March last year and went to a football match yesterday, our first outing as brothers in a decade, our team lost 2-1 and we chatted without fighting..We still don't have each others mobile numbers or E-mail addresses, but we shook hands and had a decent day out..it's a start.

My mother, Jesus where do I start... I love the woman but avoid her as she is a constant critic and I'm a hopeless disappointment! I'm not married, don't have kids and never visit, I live out of a bag, never attend any family functions ( I was invited to, but never attended a 40th anniversary party for my Aunt and Uncle in Motherwell of Friday night as I had a date and my brother dropped me in it!) and I'm standoffish...That's her overall opinion of me...Now bearing in mind no woman I've ever let her meet has been good enough for me (she has met two,) and she has been pretty vocal in this respect is it any wonder I don';t bother now? I know she loves me and that's a great thing, but on her list of favourite sons I'm firmly bottom and I'm happy with that.

My two nephews are utter stars, one is fast approaching fifteen and is a good guy, he has been in a single family situation since birth, and if I'm honest I don't care for his mother, however he's worked out fine and is a credit to himself, I could not be more full of pride. The other is two and a half and a ginger haired bundle of fun, I love kids, I'd have made a good dad, I think, and if I had a son I'd want one like him, he's a thing of beauty and I hope he grows into a well rounded man. I love them both equally and they love me too...all is good here..

My mothers ex husband and the father of my siblings and myself is an utter bastard, I hope there's a hell as I'd like to think he'll spend eternity there..Christmas Day 1988 was the last I spoke to him, he's dead to me and my family know not to even bother me with a call to inform me of his eventual demise...

Yep complicated...


Lastly I've edited this back in as I've removed it twice thus far because it's very personal and I'm not sure I'm going to post this yet.  I had a sister Amy, she died when I was two, I know she was born on the 16th of July and died on the 6th of June, I know she had jet black hair and I know she was sick her whole short life. My mother ripped up every single photo of her in her rage filled grief, I understand this, as grief is a monster and it affects everyone differently, my mother stopped teaching the day Amy died, and has refused to talk about either part of her past since then..I only know she goes to the graveyard alone on both those dates every year and still suffers the loss...that and I just wish I had a memory of her, I'd have liked a sister..

Thursday Night's All Right For Fighting

Alright so I'm two days out from the Bernie Taupin penned classic however I'll just wing it here. After the coffee night I discovered I had some free time, and with this in mind I text AB to ask her out on a date on Saturday night. Easy right?  Obviously you know the answer to that!

She can't do Saturday however Friday is do-able so I try and get something sorted.. It's a simple thing (you may think,) to ask someone you fancy out for food and drink, I know with this woman it would be complicated,  it turns out  that's the understatement of the century. I go from asking her out to having a heated discussion about.....every single thing in the world being my fault and I'm Satan's son.....Africans Starving...My Fault.... War...My Fault.....Global Economic Meltdown...Yep Me too...Well so it seems to me, I'm asking her out on a date and I'm getting my ass handed to me, so I, in exasperation, hang up the phone....
OK not smart I know,  I was annoyed as hell and had a count to ten moment...so I count to ten and dial back......I try and remain calm and point out a few things....that goes well...! And this time fizzing I actually cut the call dead and hang up...again.  So that's that, I'm raging, Obviously she will be too, after all I've just hung up on her again.......She's mad, I'm mad, it's too complicated, It's too much effort, it's such a hassle, it's not the right time, she's busy at work,

We're going out Friday.....

The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men

Gang aft agley!

My plans have been changed last minute, normally I'd be in a rage by this occurrence, not today, no sirree, not today....you see peeps...drum roll please.....

I have two days off....yes.... two, count them TWO whole unexpected freaking wonderful days off.. I'm heading to Dover by train on Sunday (First Class of course)  now instead of flying to London tonight and starting work tomorrow. Am I happy with this news....hell yes, I'm as happy as little piggies in poo,  life just got a whole lot sweeter. I'm going to visit my mum tonight, get a night out with my friends tomorrow night, catch a football game Saturday and hopefully make some plans for Saturday night too.

Glasgow you big, old magnificent city, may I have the pleasure of your company this weekend? I may!

How wonderful..

Joy.

Packing Is Such Sweet Sweet Sorrow.

So that's the job finished, all squared away and looking stunning. Another one in the bag and time to move on, it's been a great job work wise, as usual the lads have been top quality, a great laugh but ultimately very professional. It's at this time I get a little sad, I love my job, I love travel, and I positively adore the fact I'm constantly challenged by different tasks and no two jobs are the same, it keeps it fresh even when the hours are racking up and the contracts are long.    However I hate to pack up and go, it's the only time I don't enjoy, I hate packing with a passion, I can never work out quantities of stuff I'll need for a job so end up with 50 t-shirts for a 20 day job ...just in case, in case of what!! I can't help it, underwear ditto, 25 day job...75 pairs and don't get me started on socks, I could keep a Southern cotton plantation working overtime churning out socks for me on a refit.

 I over pack work wear, I always take gym gear..(irony be thy name!) and then I take clothing for evening wear...I hardly ever go out anyway so why? Add to that I (if on a cruise liner) take formal wear so I can drink on decks instead of in the crew bar with the commoners...:-) Given that I don't have to conform with airline baggage allowances, as we usually fly charter or privately I oft resemble a human packhorse. Add to this toiletries, shoes, trainers, flip flops, computers, I-pods, I-phones, kindle various chargers, batteries ect and you start to see the logistical nightmare of a move for me!

Now did I happen to mention every job I go on has a next day free laundry service where your washing is taken away, washed, pressed and returned....wait for it... next day! and you realise I'm just a freak! I can't help but take the stuff anyway...

Just in case......

Because you just never know when you'll need clean jockeys..

Socks and pants getting loaded

On the road again.

E is for Eh!

Well where do I start?  At the beginning I suppose.....

 Ms Almost Binary and I have, it seems, a complicated not love life. A few texts have passed between us both over the last week or so, a kind of blowing air at the dwindling pile of smouldering embers in an attempt to gain some flame, or perhaps a mutual awareness that we both don't want to see the flames die?  I was not sure what exactly was happening as I seemed to be getting mixed messages, and if I'm honest, had not given up all hope.  Anyhoo time is running out for me here, and it's time to up sticks ( albeit only for a month,) to pastures new. With this in mind I dropped Ms AB a message asking if she wanted to meet up before I go?  To see if there is anything there or if we just move on. A text back results in a meet for coffee, where again if I'm honest, we got on like a house on fire (damn embers!) We're fine at the getting on thing, both it would appear enjoy each others company, have loads to talk about, loads in common and an ease with each others presence that would be the envy of almost every couple I know. The problem you ask...I'm not exactly sure?

 Ms AB has had relationships in the past that have not worked out (who has not?) However she remains friends with these past lovers, and perhaps they haunt her thoughts...She does not want to be hurt again, so has instead decided the best course of action for her is to weed out any chance of romance before it blossoms, by pushing potential suitors away before any feelings start to take root. A flawed tactic if you ask me, although I'd be biased so you'd best not. The night progresses and we chat, drink coffee and talk about us, is there an us? I think there is, then there's not, then there is..... It's mixed up, she's not sure if there is, I want there to be. I don't want to pressure her and chase her away, however I don't want to appear uninterested and loose her, I'm in a quandary and I don't like that. I'm a very open person and am not very good at hiding my heart under my sleeve, I just wear it there for all to see. That is just who I am, so things get talked about, we say hi to the Elephant in the room and Ms AB and I call it a night.

I walk her to her car, I hold her hand, she offers me a ride home (I got a taxi to the coffee house,) I accept, we chat some more and she drops me off...I'm conflicted, I want to kiss her but don't want it to be a thing..I don't want her to be pressured, I'm afraid I''ll offend,,, so I go to leave the car saying I'll not try and kiss her...  and she leans in for a kiss...sh*t!!  I'm an idiot..I can't read signs, I'm hopeless, my head does a 360 loop and my stomach pitches...So now we both laugh, I lean over for a  kiss, it's warm, gentle and I know there's a little feeling there, I stroke her face as we share another couple of small kisses and I depart her car, I'm happy, estatic,  but also a little sad, I don't want this woman to be my friend, I have those and she has those, but I'd hate to lose her too..

Star Wars vs LOTR....

A sublime critique of the Lord Of The Rings movies..

Anyone who disagrees with this is a feckless idiot...

Many thanks to Ac for the link...

Diet Another Day

"Only an idiot starts a diet on a Monday." Those were probably the words of that woman off of TV who smells fat peoples poo and pretends she's got a BA Degree in 'Weighing Seeds And Nuts Into Tupperware' from a on line University in Mississippi... that cost $10. Sound advice indeed.

Today's exercise in eating nothing with any nutrition whatsoever should be a lesson to any buffoon who lays claim to a Monday diet.

Breakfast

Lunch

Dinner

Two bacon sarnies for breakfast, a fried hamburger supper for lunch, and a Donner kebab pot noodle for dinner, which in fairness, was a healthier substitute than the actual kebab I was going to buy! I had such good intentions, however having not a second spare all day has resulted in my eating fast food and crap for ease and quickness. Add to this I'm going out to the cinema tonight with my nephew and it's going to be a bad day overall...


Still there's always tomorrow.....

A modern day Buddha

Having been on the receiving end of Jibes daily from my loving workmates with regards to my "fat ar*e, and big t*ts" plus the constant stream of "get the kettle on fat boy" and suchlike I'm officially starting a diet tomorrow. Below are two pictures of my Buddahesque body that shall shame me into getting in shape, they will be the cyber equivalent of putting fat pictures on the fridge.

New photos shall be posted weekly until I've lost the moobs (man boobs) and the beer belly...Now if I could add an abb or two.....

A boy can dream..

The Morning After The Night Before

Wow, if it's possible to consume ones (quite considerable) body weight in booze, then I do believe I had a decent effort at it last night. I'm not one for heavy drinking as I suffer terribly next day, however given recent events, the fact the jobs ending, and the added bonus that  I have a very easy day today.. I thought 'I'm getting stocious tonight,'  In the cold light of day, not a good Idea! I have a pounding sore head, feel like I've gargled glass,and my throat is as dry as Gandhi's (Sp?) flip-flop..

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go....

It's going to be looong a day.

Ms almost binary, a tale of unrequited love.....

So folks, it's been a busy couple of weeks here in the land of the loveless, although a funny (peculiar, not ha,ha) thing happened to me after an evening out NOT (more on this later) drinking. I met a woman, a funny, witty, educated,  tall slim and beautiful woman...First one in an age where I actually thought 'ooh, this feels right'...well right for one of us anyway!
  You see peeps I was keen, she was......well kind of keen... at first, but alas that was the drink methinks. It's funny how two people can seem on the surface suited, but when it comes down to it (or as is the case in question, did not come down to it!) one person just does nothing for the other. A short meeting after a drunken night, a hotel room, almost a walk of shame, a couple of nights out, to the pub, out for a curry, a beachfront walk with a Chinese take away afterword, does not it seems qualify one as a Mr Darcy. I was it appears the Pip to her Estella, she it turns out is a self confessed cold-hearted beauty, me a hopeless romantic, needless to say my heart was dashed against the rocks of her icy shoulder... Still however one has such sweet sweet memories to cherish of a mini fling that shattered ones confidence, made me question my manliness and had me moping about for over a week...like a modern day Young Werther, sans gun of course!

 I'm still not over Ms Almost Binary, but it's a safe bet to say she was never under me in the first place.....

Just for E..

View Askew.

Ok, well the more observant of you (if anyone is actually reading this?) will have noticed that I've deleted the old blog and have created a blank canvas. I aim to try and steer clear of Football and Politics on this one, although as I have the breaking strain of a Kit-Kat I somehow suspect that's not going to happen!


What I post will, as usual, be a combination of utter mince, total pish and the musings of a slightly deranged man with a penchant for drama and a slight tendency for pretention...


enjoy.