Family

Where do I start on family?  I have a family, most people do, my relationship with mine is however perhaps a little different from most. I have two brothers, one is a waste of space, he's a user and a hopeless drunk. He fathered a child and then became a world class illusionist for 14 years, as he just disappeared out of his sons life like a puff of smoke..gone. This boils my piss so much I can't abide to be in a room with him, to hear him talk the world owes him a living, nothings ever his fault, he's a constant victim of injustice, the worlds best father and a loving son who's misunderstood, nope you're a total pisshead who only cares about drink and to hell with everyone else..as I type this he's back in hospital as he went on a drinking binge Friday (he's not allowed to drink as he has no stomach lining left) and has jaundice and sky high blood pressure now. I know I'll get a call one day soon informing me of his death, I've worked with two guys who drank themselves to death, I've seen this before and know the signs, I feel detached from the situation and that is I think all I need to say on bro one.

Bro two, family man, loves his son, works hard and is the most stubborn man on the planet. He and I had a falling out over a silly argument and never spoke for 9 years, we started talking around March last year and went to a football match yesterday, our first outing as brothers in a decade, our team lost 2-1 and we chatted without fighting..We still don't have each others mobile numbers or E-mail addresses, but we shook hands and had a decent day out..it's a start.

My mother, Jesus where do I start... I love the woman but avoid her as she is a constant critic and I'm a hopeless disappointment! I'm not married, don't have kids and never visit, I live out of a bag, never attend any family functions ( I was invited to, but never attended a 40th anniversary party for my Aunt and Uncle in Motherwell of Friday night as I had a date and my brother dropped me in it!) and I'm standoffish...That's her overall opinion of me...Now bearing in mind no woman I've ever let her meet has been good enough for me (she has met two,) and she has been pretty vocal in this respect is it any wonder I don';t bother now? I know she loves me and that's a great thing, but on her list of favourite sons I'm firmly bottom and I'm happy with that.

My two nephews are utter stars, one is fast approaching fifteen and is a good guy, he has been in a single family situation since birth, and if I'm honest I don't care for his mother, however he's worked out fine and is a credit to himself, I could not be more full of pride. The other is two and a half and a ginger haired bundle of fun, I love kids, I'd have made a good dad, I think, and if I had a son I'd want one like him, he's a thing of beauty and I hope he grows into a well rounded man. I love them both equally and they love me too...all is good here..

My mothers ex husband and the father of my siblings and myself is an utter bastard, I hope there's a hell as I'd like to think he'll spend eternity there..Christmas Day 1988 was the last I spoke to him, he's dead to me and my family know not to even bother me with a call to inform me of his eventual demise...

Yep complicated...


Lastly I've edited this back in as I've removed it twice thus far because it's very personal and I'm not sure I'm going to post this yet.  I had a sister Amy, she died when I was two, I know she was born on the 16th of July and died on the 6th of June, I know she had jet black hair and I know she was sick her whole short life. My mother ripped up every single photo of her in her rage filled grief, I understand this, as grief is a monster and it affects everyone differently, my mother stopped teaching the day Amy died, and has refused to talk about either part of her past since then..I only know she goes to the graveyard alone on both those dates every year and still suffers the loss...that and I just wish I had a memory of her, I'd have liked a sister..