Ms Almost Binary and I have, it seems, a complicated not love life. A few texts have passed between us both over the last week or so, a kind of blowing air at the dwindling pile of smouldering embers in an attempt to gain some flame, or perhaps a mutual awareness that we both don't want to see the flames die? I was not sure what exactly was happening as I seemed to be getting mixed messages, and if I'm honest, had not given up all hope. Anyhoo time is running out for me here, and it's time to up sticks ( albeit only for a month,) to pastures new. With this in mind I dropped Ms AB a message asking if she wanted to meet up before I go? To see if there is anything there or if we just move on. A text back results in a meet for coffee, where again if I'm honest, we got on like a house on fire (damn embers!) We're fine at the getting on thing, both it would appear enjoy each others company, have loads to talk about, loads in common and an ease with each others presence that would be the envy of almost every couple I know. The problem you ask...I'm not exactly sure?
Ms AB has had relationships in the past that have not worked out (who has not?) However she remains friends with these past lovers, and perhaps they haunt her thoughts...She does not want to be hurt again, so has instead decided the best course of action for her is to weed out any chance of romance before it blossoms, by pushing potential suitors away before any feelings start to take root. A flawed tactic if you ask me, although I'd be biased so you'd best not. The night progresses and we chat, drink coffee and talk about us, is there an us? I think there is, then there's not, then there is..... It's mixed up, she's not sure if there is, I want there to be. I don't want to pressure her and chase her away, however I don't want to appear uninterested and loose her, I'm in a quandary and I don't like that. I'm a very open person and am not very good at hiding my heart under my sleeve, I just wear it there for all to see. That is just who I am, so things get talked about, we say hi to the Elephant in the room and Ms AB and I call it a night.
I walk her to her car, I hold her hand, she offers me a ride home (I got a taxi to the coffee house,) I accept, we chat some more and she drops me off...I'm conflicted, I want to kiss her but don't want it to be a thing..I don't want her to be pressured, I'm afraid I''ll offend,,, so I go to leave the car saying I'll not try and kiss her... and she leans in for a kiss...sh*t!! I'm an idiot..I can't read signs, I'm hopeless, my head does a 360 loop and my stomach pitches...So now we both laugh, I lean over for a kiss, it's warm, gentle and I know there's a little feeling there, I stroke her face as we share another couple of small kisses and I depart her car, I'm happy, estatic, but also a little sad, I don't want this woman to be my friend, I have those and she has those, but I'd hate to lose her too..
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